Nov 06

My Parkinson’s Proof Thanksgiving

Autumn at My Florida Home

On November 1, I ran errands at my favorite strip shopping center. Located three miles from my house, it is anchored by Hobby Lobby on one end and Staples on the other. In between, Dollar Tree, Pet Supplies Plus, Russo’s Subs, and Burlington Coat Factory are frequent stops. A free standing Chick-fil-A is crazy busy. Well, the whole complex is crazy busy, but there are still far off parking spots where I park for added exercise and less chance of getting a dent in my car. I developed this habit when I worked on a college campus, and it serves me well in my Parkinson’s life!

In four stores, I overheard conversations about the calendar flip. “I can’t believe it is November 1.” “Where has the year gone?” “It will be Christmas before you know it.” “The year goes faster every year.” “What are you doing for Christmas?” “After Halloween, it’s downhill fast.”

Honoring Thanksgiving

What intrigued me was not one word was said about Thanksgiving! Hobby Lobby has had Christmas decorations out since August where I live. But the day after Halloween, the staff was making room for even more Christmas stuff by moving Halloween items (what little was left) to sale tables. I specifically went to Hobby Lobby to buy fall wreaths for my upper and lower front doors. I left empty handed. Oh, they had some. But the fall décor was smashed together in a couple of aisles, almost like an afterthought. I will just continue using last year’s fall decorations since it will be time to put up the Christmas wreaths in a few weeks. I may even have to put them up earlier since time is now going faster!!

The experience reminded me how much I love Thanksgiving and how much I hate the idea that it gets overshadowed by Halloween and Christmas commercialization. The mega retailers are advertising their Thanksgiving shopping hours, so we can plan our family get-togethers around buying. The Hallmark channel has been showing Christmas movies since way too soon! I understand “why” from a marketing perspective as I have taught these concepts to hundreds of university students over the years. But it does not mean I have to embrace the concept! My Thanksgiving traditions  have evolved,  and without knowing it, I was creating a Parkinson’s proof Thanksgiving free of stress that I would someday need.

Who Cooks?

Joe and I live in Florida and do not travel to Missouri for Thanksgiving where our families live. Our Thanksgiving tradition has changed from me doing all the cooking when we had a long distance relationship to now going out. Joe use to fly in from White Plains or Orange County or Atlanta (he’s lived all over and in some terrific places!) on the day of Thanksgiving. In 2001, I decided preparing this feast for two needed to be a two-person operation. He readily agreed and flew in the night before to help make pumpkin pies. Then it was up early the next day to get the turkey in the oven, make the candied sweet potatoes, Waldorf salad, and oyster dressing (which he was not too sure about). But oyster dressing is my favorite part of the meal (as it was my mother’s)! He was a good sport and helped with all the preps. But I think he enjoyed the sitting down and eating part more! It’s a toss-up for me as I love to do both!

The following year Joe suggested we go out for Thanksgiving. I was not too keen on the idea, but he easily persuaded me with a reservation at The Breakers Palm Beach. In 2003, I thought we would stay home and rub shoulders in the kitchen. I really do love to make Thanksgiving dinner. However, by then Joe was planning to move to Miami Lakes and was looking for a place to buy. He had several real estate appointments scheduled for the day after Thanksgiving and wanted me to go with him. So we had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at The Breakers again.

15 Thanksgiving Dinners at The Leopard Lounge

We had several reasons to be thankful in 2004. Joe made the move to Miami and was now just 76 miles from my house. He was acclimated to South Florida living quickly, but harshly, as we endured Hurricane Frances on September 4 followed by Hurricane Jeanne on September 26. I was without electricity for two weeks and without water for one week.  Weary from hurricane clean-up and repair, we decided to try Thanksgiving dinner at my favorite little English hotel, The Chesterfield on Palm Beach. It has proven to be the right venue for the two of us as November 22, 2018 will mark our 15th Thanksgiving dinner in the Leopard Lounge at Chesterfield!  In between, I held my Tatianna book signing party in the hotel’s library in 2007.

Parkinson’s Proof Thanksgiving

We reserve for the one o’clock Thanksgiving seating and depart with enough left-overs for two more meals. Strolling down Worth Avenue after our feast is a perfect way to end the afternoon. No shopping, (nothing is open) just window shopping and people watching! I add my touch to the holiday by making cranberry relish on Wednesday and baking one pumpkin pie on Friday. We have plenty to eat and stay home on Friday—no malls, no traffic, no stress!

Question to Ponder:  What is your favorite way to spend Thanksgiving?

Blessings!

Linda

 

Oct 30

Why and How to Say No to Requests

“No” is a complete sentence. ~~ Annie Lamont

I have learned to say no to non-essential requests since being diagnosed with Parkinson’s. When I say yes to something I really do not want to do, I am also saying no to something I cherish more. What I decide to do is often different from my pre-Parkinson’s days. I have to be vigilant in protecting the white space on my calendar from interesting but unnecessary requests and using it for my life purpose and “A” priorities.

The Right Kind of Requests for Me–Maybe, Maybe Not

These requests have come my way since my PD diagnosis in 2014.

A Favor:  My plane lands at PBI at 10 PM. Can you pick me up? Can I consign some items for you to sell on eBay? Will you coach me on how to sell on eBay? Can you bring two dozen cookies to the meeting tonight due to a last minute cancellation? Will you write me a letter of recommendation?

Leadership:  Will you be an interim virtual coordinator for the prior learning assessment department for two months? Will you serve as chairman of the committee? The nominating committee would like you to run for treasurer. Will you be my vice-regent? Will you run for co-president? Will you run on our slate of officers for second vice-president?  How about being the parliamentarian? Will you serve as a director on the board?

Community: Will you collect from five of your neighbors for the Lung Association? Will you be the club’s January speaker? Will you manage the registration table for our fundraiser like you have for five years? Will you donate a gift basket for our benefit?

Fun Stuff:  Can you go thrift shopping on Wednesday?  A group of us is meeting for Happy Hour tomorrow. We’d love to see you. Will you submit an entry to our anthology? Will you join us for lunch next Tuesday to discuss program ideas? Will you be a judge for the writing contest?

After a couple of years with PD, I knew what I was capable of accomplishing. I knew where the boundaries were and stayed out of the danger zone. Some requests as listed above stretched me too far and had to be declined.

Two Questions to Determine Yes or No

My simple “two questions” method helps me to decide on yes or no response based on purpose and priorities.

Does the request support my life purpose?

  • To make a heartfelt difference

Does the request support my “A” priorities and commitments?

  • Physical, mental, and spiritual health
  • Relationships with family, friends, colleagues, students
  • Parkinson’s My Way website and blog
  • Creative pursuits such as poetry, photography, writing
  • Unique travel and educational experiences
  • Organizations such as Daughters of the American Revolution
  • eBay business selling and preserving vintage selections

Two Techniques for How to Say No

If I decide to say yes, that’s an easy response. If it is no, the goal is to convey that decision and not to change my mind. According to Jonathan Price, tone is the hardest part of saying no.

My two favorite lines are:

  • I am already fully committed. Thank you for asking.
  • I have a commitment. Maybe another time.

These statements work for me because they are short, simple, and polite. They are stated with confidence leaving little room for me to be persuaded! They do not offer excuses or specific reasons. I don’t think it is always necessary to explain. For example, my commitment might be writing next week’s blog, or going to the neurologist, or relaxing in nature.

The more I talk, the more I will give in and accept. I may feel guilty. I do not want to disappoint. I will talk myself into it. “Well, maybe I can shift that doctor’s appointment around and make it to your event.” Later, I realize I cannot cancel an important appointment I had been waiting on for three months! By hemming and hawing, I create a stressful situation that I still have to decline.

Suzette Hinton says, “We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”

When I Really Need to Think About It

Sometimes, the request is not one that I can decide on the spot. Maybe I need to talk to someone or gather more information. I only use this technique when I really do need to think about it. Otherwise, I am prolonging the agony of delivering my negative answer. I also follow through with my decision to respond within the time frame promised. Here is what I say:

  • I need to think about that. I will let you know by Friday. I appreciate you asking.
  • I need to check my schedule. I will call you in two days. Thank you for thinking of me.

Offer Up An Idea

I offer legitimate alternatives when possible and leave the person with another direction to pursue. Have you considered asking Marsha or Sheila? I can also offer to help in a different way.  For example, I am unable to make twenty center pieces for this year’s benefit, but I will make a monetary contribution. Or I will pay for the program printing.

In closing, sometimes, I accept or decline a request because of Parkinson’s. But in other instances Parkinson’s has nothing to do with the decision and is never mentioned. Either way, I stay true to my purpose and priorities.

Question to Ponder:  How do you decide what requests to accept or decline?

Blessings!

Linda

 

 

 

 

 

Oct 25

Kirk Gibson Challenges Parkinson’s

It’s just not in my DNA to give in. ~~Kirk Gibson

Since it is World Series week, I can’t pass up the chance to write about one of my great loves—baseball.  However, I am not writing about this year’s contenders, Los Angeles Dodgers or Boston Red Sox. But in a roundabout way, this relates to the Dodgers.

Rewind to 1988

Kirk Gibson of the LA Dodgers made World Series history in Game 1. He pinch hit in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. On a 3-2 count, he hit a home run off Dennis Eckersley and limped around the bases. This fierce contender, world class athlete, manager, and sports announcer had his world changed to a new normal in 2015 when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He was recently interviewed on August 23 by Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News.

Highlights of Recent Video Interview

Kirk Gibson takes Parkinson’s personally as a challenge. His perspective is a new left-hander has just entered the game. It is not in his DNA to give in.

He is living a new normal. He believes he can still live a good life. He has to learn what he can and can’t do and find ways to adapt to what he really wants to continue.

He exercises and had to learn to make large movements through the Big and Loud program. He also has to practice speaking exercises to keep his voice from being too soft.

He challenges himself to be upbeat as well as others to be the same. If he sees someone struggling in an airport, he strikes up a conversation.

Like many people with Parkinson’s, his diagnosis came on slowly. In 2008, he noticed his left hand clutched up when he shaved. In 2015, he had anxiety during a broadcast and had to leave abruptly. A few days later he was diagnosed with PD. He is grateful to be back in the Detroit as a broadcaster and wants to contribute for as long as he can.

Kirk Gibson Foundation & Videos

He has a foundation through which he hopes to motivate people to continue enjoying their life.

You can listen to the 7+ minute Wojnowski interview and read an excellent newspaper account  or watch the historic home run.

Giving PD Our Best Shot

I wish Kirk Gibson the best as he goes to bat 24/7 with PD. I also wish the Dodgers and Red Sox a great series. I am not rooting for one or the other. I am just a lover of the game who also happens to have Parkinson’s. I never could hit a baseball like my father was noted for, but I’m in this PD game with determination to occasionally knock one of the symptoms out of the park! Furthermore, if I have to, I will limp, hobble, and struggle to get to home plate just like Kirk Gibson did!

Blessings!

Linda

Photo Credit: Los Angeles Times

 

Oct 24

Sun and Wind Cycle

Sun and Wind Cycle

Country summer wash
Colorful pegged clothes flapping—
Sudden shower rinse
~Linda A. Mohr

This clothes line scene was a nostalgic find on my recent vacation! Drying laundry  the old-fashioned way is back in fashion in some areas. I grew up with three wire clothes lines strung from trees. The wringer washing machine on the back porch was just a few steps to the side yard where the lines were suspended.

My sister and I helped pin the wash to the lines when we were tall enough. The line had to be wiped down with a damp cloth. The wooden clothes pins were stored in a fabric bag and kept inside the house until needed. If you left them pinned to the wire, they deteriorated and left dark marks on clean clothing. Bed sheets were the hardest to hang. We had to keep them from dragging on the ground. But once they were in place, I liked the flapping sound they made. They were also fun to hide behind. Socks were easy to pin up by the toe, one by one. Shirts, dresses, and pants were hung by their hems, and the wind blew the sleeves up like balloons. Items like towels were joined together to economize on clothes pins.

Removing dry laundry, folding, and taking into the house were more chores. Often another basket of wet laundry was waiting to be hung. This process could indeed occupy the whole day. Sometimes, we had to quickly strip the lines before rain soaked the dry clothes. But it was not unusual for the wash to get a second rinsing!

Photo Credit:  Linda A. Mohr